Vampires of Euro ’12

At Euro 12, there exist those who live off the misery of others.  Those that live in theshadows, omnipresent, unrelenting and void of remorse. They are quick to dispossess, quick to counter and quick to strike. This is the story of those who stalk the pitches of Poland-Ukraine.

GK – Buffon
D – Tymoshchuk
D – Lescott
D – Ramos
CDM – Diarra
CDM – Jiracek
CDM – Pirlo
LAM – Ribery
RAM – Robben
ST – Balotelli
ST – Ibrahimovic
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The Fang Formation
The attack centres around a pouf of smoke as the bats emerge. Their suppression of opposing counters fuels their attack.  2 strikers, 2 attacking midfielders form the sharp points of the Fang Formation. The back 3 holding/gauging midfielders are overlaid above the bottom teeth/3 defenders.  The 4 attackers lay dormant, waiting for when the time is right, striking with piercing precision. These are the Vampires of Euro 12.
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 Cryptkeeper: Gianluigi Buffon
Don’t be careless around Gigi, or he will take the ball without leaving his feet. Always the aggressor, he lunges forward to thwart intruders. Nimble and cunning, Gigi protects the crypt, shielding it from would be raiders.
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Defence: Anatoliy Oleksandrovych Tymoshchuk
Be weary of Anaoliy. His skills are forged in the dark arts, moving seemlessly from midfield to the crypt. If you’re not careful enough, his sliding tackle may take more than just the ball.
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DefenceJoleon Patrick Lescott
The enforcer. The immovable object. If his vampiric bloodlines were not enough to convince you, perhaps his stranglehold on one of his kind may do the trick. The rock at the back of the defense, powerful enough to pound upon the opposing teams crypt and ward off all who come near.
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Defence: Sergio Ramos
Don’t be fooled, those who have taken him lightly were quick to discover the deadliness of his swift revenge; ask Balotelli. The   fleetfooted defender roams the pitch awaiting his next prey. If you’re not too careful, Ramos may be the last thing you ever see.
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Left Midfield: Alou Diarra
You’ve crossed the midfield line with no one in sight. You think you’re clear, you think you have survived. From the shadows lurks Diarra, long, agile and lean. He tracks his prey across the pitch, dispossessing them of the ball and their will.
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Right Midfield: Petr Jiracek
Petr Jiracek has a very particular set of skills; skills he has acquired over a very long career. Skills that make him a nightmare on the pitch. If you cease your challenge, that’ll be the end of it. He will not look for you, he will not pursue you. But if you don’t, he will look for you, he will find you and he will kill you.
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Centre Midfield: Andrea Pirlo
The Conjurer. He has pulled the strings marvellously for his Italian side. No one can anticipate what this master of magic may do on the pitch; from through balls to free kicks. He thrives on making others look sub-par. Beware of the Conjurer, as you will be taken for a fool.
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Left Attacking Midfield: Franck Ribery
Short in stature he may be, but his hunger is insatiable. He fears no man and all men fear Ribery. He needs but a faint glimpse before carving his path and taking no prisoners on his bullish dribbles.
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Right Attacking Midfield: Arjen Robben
Much like his Bayern Munich counterpart, he is cruel and punishing. If you’re not careful, in one fell swoop he will appear at your doorstep, incessantly knocking… knocking. One peek outside and The Mad Robben will take all you hold dear.
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Forward: Mario Balotelli
Ever present, his gaze is fixed on his foes. He fears no man. He will not stop, he will not ease. One can only hope the enigma unravels himself before he unravels his prey.
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Forward: Zlatan Ibrahimovic
For those who question his ability, Zlatan has plenty of answers. His abilities are second to none. For over a decade he has stormed the pitch with a thirst for glory, and Zlatan will have his glory.
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The CountGiovanni Trapattoni
There is no one better to lead the Fang Formation than the master of the Trap. For too long has Il Trap foiled the plans of many, inciting frenzy as he unleashes his minions to vanquish his enemies.
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Many are worthy to be cast in the Fang Formation, however only the most powerful and elusive can serve. Those honourable enough to form part of the vampiric reserves include: Jesus Navas, Miroslav Klose, Pavel Progrebnyak, Simon Kjær, Georgios Samaras, Giorgos Karagounis, Carlos Puyolm, Petr Cech.
A special thanks is deserved for El Jefe.
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